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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

15717938iu4.jpg Here you go, something you can spend pip proceeds on: a $1 billion house, anyone?

From the good ol’ Huffington Post: What would you do if your net worth were $22 billion? If you were Indian businessman Mukesh Ambani, you might build yourself the world’s most expensive home.

As designed by Chicago architecture firm Perkins + Will, the in-progress glass-tower is estimated at $1 billion and is known to feature, at the least, a health club, multiple “safe” rooms, 3 helipads, 168 parking spaces and require 600 servants to maintain, and physically, the structure stands at 27 stories, or 570 feet tall.

 

 

My personal favorite comment is at the bottom of the article:

One would think that a billionaire may have read a newspaper and noticed there are people who could use a few bucks to get vaccinations for their kids. Or maybe that’s just me. Reply| posted 01:33 am on 02/21/2008

The Mumbai Mirror has the following on it:

Construction of Mukesh Ambani’s new house at Altamount Road, where real estate prices are now in the region of Rs 75,000 per sq ft, began in late 2006, and the first six floors are already in place now. The building is expected to be complete in September 2008.

27 Floors
According to the plan, the house will rise to a height of 173.12 meters, equivalent to that of a regular 60-storeyed residential building. However, Antilia will have only 27 storeys in all, which means each floor will have a ceiling considerably higher than the current average of nearly three meters.

Six floors for parking
The first six floors — which have come up — will be reserved for parking alone, and that too for cars belonging only to Mukesh’s family. Space for a total of 168 ‘imported’ cars has been earmarked here.

Floor for car maintenance
Sources said the Ambanis would prefer to have all their cars serviced and maintained at an in-house service centre. This centre will be set up on the seventh floor.

Entertainment floor
The eighth floor will have an entertainment centre comprising a mini-theatre with a seating capacity of 50.

Balconies with gardens
The rooftop of the mini-theatre will serve as a garden, and immediately above that, three more balconies with terrace gardens will be independent floors.

The ‘health’ floors
While the ninth floor will a ‘refuge’ floor — meant to be used for rescue in emergencies — two floors above that will be set aside for ‘health.’ One of these will have facilities for athletics and a swimming pool, while the other will have a health club complete with the latest gym equipment.

For guests
There will be a two-storeyed glass-fronted apartment for the Ambani family’s guests above the health floors. One more refuge floor and one floor for mechanical works will be built on top of these apartments.

Family
The four floors at the top, that will provide a view of the Arabian Sea and a superb view of the city’s skyline, will be for Mukesh, his wife Neeta, their three children and Mukesh’s mother Kokilaben.

Air space floor
According to the plan, two floors above the family’s residence will be set aside as maintenance areas, and on top of that will be an “air space floor,” which will act as a control room for helicopters landing on the helipad above.

Helipad
The plan states that three helipads are to be built on the terrace.

However, Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation officials told this paper that permission for the helipads has not been granted yet.

“The residential plans were approved three-four years ago. Two levels of basement have also been shown in the proposed project,” Sudhir Shinde, deputy engineer at the BMC’s building proposals department said.

Staff
Nearly 600 staffers are expected to work full-time in the building, sources said.

Total stats
According to BMC records, the total area of Mukesh’s Altamount Road plot is 4,532.39 square meters. The proposed built-up area is 4,778.09 square meters (only for residential purposes), and the permissible built-up area 4,939.81 square meters.

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Political jokes

Brandon Chapman (you know, one of the FX coaches) emailed the following, pretty funny:

Nice to see that the politicians setting policy are as informed as, uh…… You fill in the blank.

Wall Street Chuckles Over Kaptur/Bernanke “Confusion”

Posted By:Bob Pisani

Topics:Federal Reserve | Congress | Ben Bernanke | Investment Strategy | Stock Market

Uh, no, you must mean the other bald guy who’s always around: desk traders on the Street are cracking up over this faux-pas by Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur during an exchange with Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke:

Marcy Kaptur, D Ohio :Seeing how you were the former CEO of Goldman Sachs ….

Bernanke: No.. no..no..You are confusing me with the Treasury Secretary!

Kaptur: I got the wrong firm? Oh, uh, where were you sir?

Bernanke: I was the CEO of the Princeton economics department.

Kaptur: Oh, I’m sorry, I got you confused with the other one. I’m sorry. I’m glad you clarified that for the record.

And I find it necessary to share my own, anyone remember this oldie but goodie from Ronald Reagen?:

1980 (during the 1980 presidential campaign)

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.

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dumbsmall.jpg Perhaps we can all agree that politicians – all of them – can be downright funny sometimes? Apparently there is a website that checks out the “facts” on politicians (uh, GREAT idea, hooray for the internet!!). Check this out from Yahoo!, a few paragraphs in to the article

The campaign trail produced “a bumper-crop of falsehoods and distortions,” which the organization has threshed through for its new list of prize-winning whoppers.

Topping the list with not one but five bogus claims was former New York mayor and Republican contender Rudy Giuliani. FactCheck demolishes each of them, especially Giuliani’s assertion that New York City was suffering “record crime” until he became mayor. “In fact,” says FactCheck’s sober analysis, “the city recorded its highest rates of both violent crime and property crime years before he took office. The downward trend was well established before he was sworn in” as mayor, in 1994.

Giuliani’s Republican rival, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, maybe topped the field for hyperbole, when he told voters in a television advertisement: “In the next 10 years, we’ll see more progress, more change than the world has seen in the last 10 centuries.”

The Democrats were no slouches in the hokum department. Senator Hillary Clinton claimed in a TV spot that soldiers in the National Guard and Reserves did not enjoy health insurance until she took up their cause.

But FactCheck researched the issue and demonstrated that most of them did have health care. “Clinton did help expand and enhance government health care coverage for reservists, but can’t claim credit for creating coverage where none existed,” it said.

Clinton’s main competitor, Senator Barack Obama, has been widely challenged for stating that there are more young black men in prison than in universities in the United States. In this case, Obama could point to a 2002 study by the Justice Policy Institute for evidence. But more recent data from the US Census Bureau concludes the opposite is true.

Covering up for an exposed half-truth sometimes leads to more prevarication. Romney claimed recently that as a youth he “saw” his father, who was governor of Michigan, walking in a protest with civil rights leader Martin Luther King. Challenged on it, Romney argued that “saw” didn’t necessarily mean with his own eyes. “I ‘saw’ him in the figurative sense,” Romney explained. “If you look at the literature or look at the dictionary, the term ‘saw’ includes being aware of — in the sense I’ve described.”

The 2008 presidential candidates are no better nor worse tellers of tall tales than their predecessors, Jackson said. “It is just a function of running for office,” he said. “The incentive is to say things that get votes… Truth is of secondary importance to a candidate.”

Famous exaggerations can long outlive elections, such as one from Al Gore, who lost the 2000 race for the White House to George W. Bush and is still remembered for boasting that he invented the Internet.

But some fabrications never seem to hurt politicians, according to Carl Cannon, the National Journal’s White House correspondent, who has made a compilation of presidential tall tales after covering campaigns for more than 20 years.
In his time, president John F. Kennedy boasted he could read 1,200 words a minute. President Lyndon Johnson claimed that he had an ancestor who died at the Alamo — a heroic battle in Johnson’s home state of Texas. In fact, Johnson great uncle took part — but didn’t die — in another battle with Mexico, at San Jacinto.

Cannon, writing in the Atlantic magazine, also recalled that Ronald Reagan boasted to Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir and Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal that he had filmed the liberation of the Nazi death camps by US soldiers in World War II. The problem with that story was, Reagan never served in Europe.

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Tea leaves

teacup.jpeg Oh, and in honor of the tea-leaves reference in the post below, go here to get a real (real virtual) reading! From that page is the following:

A Tea Leaves reading can be used as a focus for your daily meditation, as inspiration for your own writing, or simply as a thought for the day.

When you’re ready, close your eyes. Imagine holding your questions and concerns in your cupped hands, keeping them safe, as you are safe.

Holding these thoughts in your heart, open your eyes, click on the cup below, and wait patiently for your reading.

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Thanks to Nick Jensen for revealing the truth about Bernanke!

Enjoy, click here!

elf.jpg

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dumbsmall.jpg     Or, if you want to truly prove the value of your InvestoolsFX education, watch this. This is some guy’s analysis of currencies on CNBC. My jaw was literally on the floor watching this: truly his analysis is what you learn in the beginning of the basic InvestoolsFX course. What he has to say most of us learn when we first start trading; I have no doubt most of you students could a much better job than him, and those who couldn’t, it’s just because you’re simply still at the start of the learning curve in our curriculum.

    If you feel like it’s over your head, fret not, you’ll be light years beyond this guy in little time, I promise. And he’s on CNBC!!! Can you believe they put him on there? Link is below:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=604364947&play=1

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That dollar sure is a turkey

    The poor buck, here’s a funny cartoon one of you sent one of us and floated among us in email, courtesy of the commentary section of the Christian Science Monitor:

csmonitor.jpg

    Speaking of, my adventurous wife and I spent hours last night drooling over our next vacation; we ran into a website (homeexchange.com) that hooks people up in exchanging their homes around the world. So only pay airfare and don’t pay for hotel fare. The problem is that blasted dollar – some American tourist abroad I am, it’s horrible timing for us to run around the globe spending money..

    Oh, and check out the guy who seriously thought he could cash a bogus “million dollar bill” … one of those stupid criminal stories.

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